Pushing the Buttons

A recurring thought or question has been running through my mind the last couple of days. Who is really in control of my life? Me or God?

God is supposed to be the one pushing the buttons in my world. How many times do we allow circumstances to control us and we grab the control out of God's hands? Even if the circumstances in life are hurtful, God is still to be in control.

This is a lesson I have learned the hard way in the last couple of months. Some very hurtful and stressful things have come my way in the previous months. I found myself taking the control and pushing the buttons. The buttons I was pushing was anger and bitterness. This anger and bitterness caused me to become distant and to hurt some very dear friends. Now I am paying the price after choosing to push my own buttons.


This last week, specifically Thursday night or should I say Friday morning (4:30 a.m. to be exact) I had an epiphany of sorts. I woke and found myself praying. God woke me up so that we could talk. The anger and bitterness weren't hurting the people I thought should be hurt. They were hurting only me. He asked me if I was ready to release all of that and to allow Him to have control of me again. I am happy to say that I gave all of that and all of me (once again) to God!

I woke up Friday a changed person. It was almost like someone had given me wings. I had forgiveness from God for everything!! What more could a person ask for?

I know...

...it has been awhile since there has been a post. And, acutally this post will be kind of wasted. I haven't really had any inspiration of late. I am mulling some thoughts over, just nothing concrete yet.

An Encounter with God

Today, I had an amazing encounter with God. It is my belief this encounter started with Lent. For Lent, I gave up all soda, as the Lord prompted me to do.

At first, it was really hard - headaches and all. Then it got easier. This week, however, I have been craving carbonation like crazy. Every time I come to a point of wanting a soda, I remember what Christ gave up for me. So, a sacrifice of soda is nothing compared to what he did.

The last few weeks the messages at church have been a reality of the basics: Jesus, God, The Holy Spirit, Sin, Love and the importance of obedience. God spoke there.

Then a friend of mine posted how her life has been spiritually empty. God spoke there.

Today at work I was listening to praise and worship music. It seems the songs were about Jesus' sacrifice and about how we aren't too far gone for Him to reach us. Again, God spoke.

God's presence came to me in such a sweet, special way. His voice came and spoke saying, "Your spiritual life needs to become real again. You must take action and make it the most important thing to you. Build your relationship with me."

I have been contemplating all day where to start. God has been telling me I must start with His Word. Honestly, this is an area I have struggled with my entire life. To ignore this area of my life anymore would be disobedient - sin!!

I now ask for my friends to pray for me. If anyone has suggestions to help me start this, I welcome them. Pray for obedience, discipline, and for Satan to stay away!!

The Miracle of Grandma

I have been thinking about grandma a lot lately. Ruth Memory Sheppard Johnston was her name. She was almost 94 years old when she went home to be with the Lord. One of the treasures that she left behind is her journals. While looking at one of her journals one day, my sister and I found the following entry on July 15, 1995.

"In May of 1968, I had thyroid surgery. The doctors said in all probability I wouldn't be able to talk. Prayer went up for me all over the country. They said I cam to talking and hadn't shut up since. I can't sing. I asked the surgeon about it. He said, "Don't try." Half of your vocal chords are paralyzed."

For 17 years, almost every time I went to see Dr. Shallenberger he would say, "by all human reasoning, you should be dead."

In October, 1993, I had pneumonia. I was having to fight for my breath. I began to wonder if it was worth the effort. I was ready to quit. I said, "Lord, if you want me to live, you will have to help me." My breathing became easier.

In May of 1995 the Lanoxin level in my blood became extremely high. The doctor said "the highest had seen it in years. You must be tough." no, I am not tough. The Lord stood by my side and gave me strength.

I am here for a purpose. God give me wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and strength to fulfill that purpose." ---Ruth Johnston

May Grandma encourage you through the words the Lord gave her.

Pretense, Confusion, Thankful

Lori Wick is probably my favorite author. I own a majority of the books she has written. Some, I have read many times over. Pretense is one such book. I have read this book so many times, I have lost count. While reading it again, i noticed a prayer from the character Shay. Here is the prayer:

"I've had so many wrong impressions. I've been confused, and now see how huge you are. You love all of us. You're big enough that we can pray to You in our own way. I've been afraid of not being good enough. I've been selfish and wrong with so many things in my life, but Your forgiveness is bigger that that."

I am so thankful that even in His hugeness, God is still personal enough for each of us. He wants us to come to him just as we are, incsecurities and all. His forgiveness and love is bigger that what we think we don't have to offer.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have this down pat yet. But, I am working on it. When self-doubt arises, I pray I remember that God is bigger that the doubt and loves me in spite of it.

Freedom and Reality

February 20: Air 1 Verse of the Day
For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. but don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:13 NLT

I was listening to the Gather Vocal Band Reunion video. The part during the song “I’m Free” really hit me.

“God puts His greatest gifts in broken pots. We spill more water.
The gifts of God are without repentance.
He passes out gifts like we pass out Halloween candy.
He doesn’t ask for a resume. He just gives it to you and He never repents of it.” – Mark Lowry


I am free from the guilt I carried
From this dull empty life, I’m set free
For when I met Jesus, He made me complete
He forgot the foolish man I used to be

All we are supposed to be is transparent and real before God. If we aren’t transparent and real before Him, we can’t be transparent or real before man. True freedom is only found in God. He forgets our foolishness and gives us life abundant and free.

I want my prayer to be that I am truly free. I must be free from my foolishness. To be free, I must be honest with myself, with God and then with others. We can hold nothing back. Freedom without honesty will only cause anxiety and stress. This freedom can only be found when we are living in the freedom of the Holy Spirit. May we all be free to spill our water for Jesus - free to use our gifts for Him!

Doors

What doors are supposed to go through? Doors we open on our own? Doors opened by God? I have come to the realization that I need to pay more attention to the doors that God opens for me. So many times, I translate the door I open to a door God has opened. Not a good thing. I am only to walk the path of obedience to God. My prayer is that I stay in tune for the door God wants me to go through.